When will I ever get over him? It's doing my head in. I'm sick to death walking around with this black hole inside me. I try to ignore it but it won't go away. I could be the busiest person in the world today and I could still be unwillingly brought to be aware of the pain of heartache. I want to be able to just, have this really big huge amazing life. I want to be successful, people adoring me, in a life so filled with superiority so if I ever bumped into him one day, he'd see this grand majestic being and think, 'Wow look at what I could have had.'

But I'm not this big majestic being, I'm me, pathetically heart broken after this long now, struggling to get up and get on with it. I am though, I am getting up and getting on with it. I've been more busy now than I've ever been in my life and pain ain't fading! I'm trying everything here, I've tried getting on with it, tried taking a day to myself today, well it's not going so well either. I'm mad and frustrated that it's taking so long. I've no reason to love him anymore. Okay, message to my heart: He's gone, loving him will bring nothing benificial to you or him. Why can't you understand that? He never nourished you or gave you security, it's up to you to give yourself that. Loving him just seems to be a bad thing for both of you, and everyone around you.

I don't know if the weird feeling in my chest is a sign that I'm doing something wrong or if it's just normal pain that needs to heal. Usually, I would follow my heart. Last time I did that and went back to him, I followed it into a venus fly trap. I just ended up more hurt than ever, and that was within a day. I literally just want to crawl under the blanket and sleep forever and ignore the feeling. I've lost the love of my life, or just found out he didn't love me so much, it's just, all a mess. Advice, nothing works. I'm sorry to say it but, it never does. I can try and follow it but, it doesn't make the pain any less. The best advice is, life goes on. And you just have to go on with it, no matter how you're feeling. When you accept the cycle of life into your life, your pain can go with the cycle from hurt to happiness. I wish my cycle would hurry up and kick in!